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Today on Oprah....

Today on Oprah...Biblical married couples...Adam and Eve, Mr. and Mrs. Noah, Abraham and Sarah, Leah,Jacob,Rachel...on Oprah's Book Club Day...Discussing the Holy Bible.

"Oprah, why didn't I listen to my husband, why did I take a bite?" Says Eve.
Adam embracing his wife but uncomfortable and fidgety.

Oprah says, " Adam, I sense some feelings of blame here. (looking at audience) We all know the story from this book. "

"Oprah, I feel betrayed!" Says Adam.

Orpah responds," Oh Adam, can't you see? YOu walked every morning with Yahweh, you knew the words directly, you just told Eve. Plus, you took the bite too."

(Oprah takes a question from the audience) " Adam, you scumbucket, own up to your part of this."

(Oprah takes another response) A black lady," Girlfriend, you don't have to take his treatment, we are with you, girlfriend!"

Oprah asks Adam and Eve, " You thoughts on audience response?"

Adam, " I love my wife, God gave her to me, can you forgive me, I see I do have responsibily in this act too. (Adam gets down on one knee) Marry, me, again...(giving Eve a rose)

Eve, " Oh Adam, I love you so much!" ( both cry and embrace, Oprah group hugs them.)

Oprah adds, " Adam , Eve has something else to tell you."

Adam looking puzzled, what , more bad news...

Eve, " Adam, I am with child, we're gonna have a baby. "

( A Man gets to give audience response) "Adam, good man, planting the seed, raised a little "cain" in the garden , heh?)

Adam and Eve move offstage for reconcilation....


"Well, here we have Mr. and Mrs. Noah...what did it feel like to survive a catastrophe?" OPrah.

Mrs. Noah, " Blessed, My parents always knew Noah was a good man"

Mr. Noah, " I just did what God said to do."

(audience) "what was it like with all those animals?"

Mrs. Noah," Seems I was always cleaning up after Shem,Ham and Japheth...their wives aren't the best house keepers.

Oprah, " Do I sense a little problem with daughters in laws?"

Mr. Noah, " Well, let's just say...4 strong women, even though an Ark is good size, isn't a pretty picture"

(laughter from the audience.)

Oprah, " Mrs. Noah you're here for a different reason. An intervention. Shem and Japheth come out."

Noah is bewildered.

Mrs. Noah," I love my husband, takes his hand, but he has a drinking problem...this has caused allienation in our family...Ham and Cush are estranged for us. Shem, Japheth and I see a downward spiral without help, Oprah.

Shem and Japheth, " We love our dad, we don't want him to drink."

Noah breaking down, " I'm sorry, it's a weakness, I tried, I know MY HIGHER POWER is there, but...sobbing"

Oprah, " Calling out her friend Dr. Phil. Mr and Mrs Noah and Shem and Japheth go backstage to talk now...Ham and Cush are waiting too."

( they all exit)


"Abraham and Sarah, have been here before, this is an update. How is it going?" Oprah

Sarah, " I understand, taking things in own hands, When God doesn't need my help. I see Abraham loves me and Issac so much. There were things with Hagar and Ismael that happened , but, I really initiated things."

Abraham, " I see my part in this, I could have refused Sarah's request and Hagar wouldn't have even had Ismael. I was weak."

Sarah, " But that is o.k. now. God was patient with us; we grew. And Hagar and Ismael aren't a problem now."

Abraham, " I sent them away. I had to, I love my Sarah and Issac so much."

Sarah, " I was there for Abraham, he has such faith now! I cried, I knew I just would see Issace again when they left for the mountain...but this man never doubted God would come through. "

Abraham,(smiles humbly)"Our Marriage is stronger than ever...thanks Oprah and Dr. Phil!"

"Now onto Abraham's grandson, Jacob and his wives..."Oprah.
Jacob sitting beside Rachel, leah separated by a chair from them.

Jacob, " I slave for these for women, do they appreciate, their daddy tricked me. I was supposed to marry Rachel, my one true love."

Rachel, " My daddy is such rule stickler, older sister had to be married first. Not fair! Jacob is MY husband, meant for me! Daddy got me distracted with picking out home furnishings and stuff and got Jacob drunk...and he wakes up with her next to him...Look at her, she is so ugly, look at those eyes,yuck."

Leah, " Shut Up, little sis, (stands up gets in Rachel's face, at least I am woman enough to give him sons! You barren desert!"

Rachel, " Talk to the hand...I have his heart- not you!"

Jacob, " See what I live with!" ( poor poor me act for audience)

( The men in the audience whoop for Jacob)

Jacob, " These women, back and forth, now they made me have sex with their handmaidens. I have boys be them!" (camera moves on them in the audience)

Leah, " Well, that's the only way Ms. Thing here can even have a baby!" ( Leah, looks into Jacob's eyes and stretches out taking his hand. The Audience sees the love in her eyes)

(audience member) " Jacob, you scum, be a man, own up to your part, poor baby, you have to have sex with 4 women, and knocked up 3. You make me sick."

Another Audience member, " Leah, girlfried, leave the sucker! You don't have to be treated this way! He has to give you community property."

Leah, " Hey, lay off my husband, he is a good man!"

Jacob, (looking at Leah a little differently, smiling)

Rachel, " Seeing the change, Jacob I am Pregnant!"

(BOOS from the audience)

Jacob, " Hugs Rachel, his first love." (Leah, withdraws in her chair, weeping)

( The Audience displeased in his reaction BOOS, taking Leah's side)

"May I speak," Abraham, " Grandson, Jacob, you set certain things in your life up, tricking people...you may have been tricked, but karma bit you in the butt...Jacob, You love Rachel...but be truthful, how do you feel about Leah, especially giving you sons?"

Jacob," Grandpa, I love Rachel but I have grown to love Leah over these years." (Leah perks up)

(Audience doesn't quite get it...one man, two women)

Abraham addresses the audience, " Be understanding, it's our culture, lots a guys have two wives, if you treated them alike...it can work...Don't judge us by your NEW COVENANT!"

Oprah interjects, " Yes, be tolerant...we think different now. You are so wise Abe."

Oprah, " Can you live with this Leah?"

Leah, " Yes, now I know he loves me." (scoots chair over , Jacob hugs her too)

Rachel, ( doesn't even mind sharing, now that she is really pregnant) "Well, as little girls we did share toys, and a pet goat. I guess, we can share."

Oprah," I see you guys are on to a breakthrough. But, there is alot work here. After the Show, you guys set up appointments to talk to Dr.Phil."

Audience( SIGHS AW)


Next on Oprah after the show, talking to them after Dr. Phil initiates counseling....


Commerical Break ( Next hour Jerry Springer interviews Hosea and Gomer)

On mext Maury Povich...Secret Crushes

Michael and David

Now, on thie satire, we know Oprah can't fix anything...But, if we turn our selves totally over to God, he can get us through anything!

AMEN
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